A vulnerable post that I will forever cherish. A note to express my gratitude to my first born for being the best teacher ever. There is a reason why she came first to this world.
My beautiful little girl,
You are not so little anymore, and in a few months, you will be a big sister. Exciting but yet scary times.
I am struggling to let go of this idea of you being my only child. I just cannot imagine myself loving another little person as much as I love you.
You are the one who made me a mother for a reason. You have been the best teacher I could have wished for. You have taught me that no matter how hard I try, I cannot be perfect but that is okay... Because you still love and need me the same.
You have taught me the true meaning of unconditinal love. And although I know I should be the one showing you that you are loved unconditionally (because you are), it is you the one who make me feel like this every single day. Despite my mistakes and the times that I have not been patient enough... Despite the times I have not been able to be there for you as you need me the most... When you look me in the eyes, all I see is love... Even when you say that you are very angry with me... All I see is your perfect love.
I know life as we know it is about to change, and I know you will struggle with this as much (or even more) as your Dad and I will do. I just pray so that I can be able to show you that, no matter what, you are loved and safe. Your little world is about to be turned upside down and there is no easy way to navigate this transition. All I know is that my love for you will not change, as it can only grow bigger and stronger by the second.
The last few days you have been holding tighter than usual, as if you know things are about to change. The last few days I have been missing you more, struggling with these feelings of needing you here with me all day but also needing a break as my whole body hurts and I am exhausted, more exhausted than usual.
I have no doubt that you will be the best big sister ever. Since the moment you found out about your baby sister, you have had her so present and you have taken your new role quite seriously. Only to show me, once more, that you will not stop surprising us any time soon.
I am excited about what is to come for you and our family... But I am also a bit scared of not being able to be enough for you and your little sister... You have needed me so much since the moment you were born, that it is hard to get my head around this idea of still being able to give you all my best while having a newborn in my arms. But I promise you that I will do my best to always be there for you no matter what.
I love you more than words can ever expressed my little girl. Thank you for being my first born. Thank you for being you.
Forever grateful to be your mom